Sunday, 26 April 2015

Tinged With Sadness...........

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

The past two weeks have been a time for adjusting to our new situations.
I started off by feeling rested with renewed energy after many months of little sleep because of  the constant demands of being a carer. Harry and I were both accepting of the fact that we now have to live apart as I cannot cope with him unable to walk or stand.
However, I'm now beginning to feel much more sad, as the unrealistic reality of the possibility of him ever coming home or recovering, is setting in.
At first, Harry seemed to be improving and I seriously questioned whether he really needed to be in the care home. It is now apparent, as his illness is taking more and more of him away from me, that he will not be able to manage anywhere else.
He is increasingly tired and wants to spend more and more time in bed sleeping.
I don't think he really needs anything more as the nurses and helpers are giving him excellent care, spoon feeding him when he's too tired to feed himself and keeping him clean etc.
I spend most of my days visiting him and if he wants to sleep then I quietly get on with my knitting or read my book.
Sometimes he doesn't remember anyone going and often misses visits completely, other times, he sits in his chair and talks or watches TV. He's never the same twice and seems to be predictably unpredictable. I think this is the hardest thing for me to cope with as I swing from renewed hope to despair and back in a constant circle.

Yesterday, my brother, Eddie  whose blog many of you follow, managed to drive over to see Harry, together with our cousin Rod. Harry and I were particularly pleased to see long lost cousin but also Eddie, who has been restricted from travelling because of his really horrible leg ulcer, that is now responding quite dramatically to the skill of the district nurses. After we'd seen Rod onto his train to the north west of England, Eddie ran me home and we bought a fish and chip supper and spent some time together before he headed back for home.

On the positive side, I do receive a lot of pleasure from my garden and the spring flowers that are now in full bloom. It is my favourite time of the month, but this year it's tinged with sadness.

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

Saturday, 11 April 2015


It seems ages since I wrote a post but I've been a bit traumatised lately.

Harry got really sick a few weeks ago and I tried to manage him at home but when his legs packed up, I realised that there was no way I could do it. It took two people to get him onto his feet. Anyway, he had a severe infection and was sent to hospital so the situation was really taken out of my hands. For a few days we didn't think he was going to make it but antibiotics helped him to pull through. 
During this time, my brother, Eddiebluelights was in a ward a couple of floors below, with a swollen leg that had ulcerated. I was really worried when I saw the state of it but I was so pleased that I could see him every day. Eddie and Harry were both discharged from hospital on the same day.

I was told that I had absolutely no chance of looking after Harry at home any more as he was too much for me to cope with, so, with a heavy heart I had to find a nursing home for him.
I managed to find one fairly close to where I live and he has a lovely room looking out onto a lawn and he can see robins, blackbirds and squirrels playing out there. There is a black cat who also lives in the home and is free to wander in and out of all the rooms. Harry has a TV and a few personal pictures and things from home. Also, my daughter in law's mother is only two doors away. She had a stroke last summer and cannot look after herself. This makes visiting them both so much easier.
I've experienced many emotions over the last few weeks, which is why blogging has taken a back seat.
However, I'm now realising just how tired and irritable I was all the time I was struggling with Harry at home and now I feel rested and suddenly a weight has lifted from my shoulders. Today he had a whole stream of visitors. 
I won't forget Harry..... I go and see him most days and take him in little treats and tell him all the latest news.
All around me the lovely little flowers of the Forget-me-not are blooming and are scattered in little nooks and crannies of paving slabs and in gardens.
How could I ever forget Harry? We've been together for 53 years.